We all want to live our lives to the fullest and have meaningful relationships with the people we love. But sometimes, it's not that easy. We may find ourselves in situations where we attract narcissistic people into our lives and struggle to recognize and break free from these unhealthy relationships. In this blog post, we'll discuss why people attract narcissists and how to break the cycle of attracting narcissists so you can start embracing healthy relationships.
Why Do People Attract Narcissists?
Narcissists are people who have almost no independent identity or healthy sense of self (ego), due to this they attach to people with few to no boundaries or low self esteem using the goodness of the new conquest to fill the vast emptiness within themself. Narcissists lack empathy, manipulate with ease, take advantage of and abuse those around them but get away with it because they are attracted to people who will not tell them "no". The abundance of charm, charisma, confidence, validation and love bombing they give makes the relationship cement quickly under the cover of having found your soulmate. Whatever the reason for you personally, it's important to understand there are many components why you might be attracted to narcissists so you can take steps to break the cycle and start embracing healthy relationships.
What is a Narcissistic Relationship Pattern?
A narcissistic relationship pattern is when someone keeps attracting narcissists into their lives. This can be a pattern of relationships with partners, friends, or family members. It can also include romantic relationships, friendships, and even work relationships. The narcissistic relationship pattern may begin with someone seeking validation, admiration, and approval all of which the narcissists gladly gives to hook you to them before they begin sucking the life energy from you. When you are eventually discarded, the break-up fault is always yours, which will be very confusing and painful. It is very hard for people to see the pattern they're caught in and even harder to break the cycle alone. It is important that you know that it is possible to break free with the support of a mentor, coach or therapist trained in narcissistic abuse recovery.
Breaking the Cycle of Attracting Narcissists
While breaking the cycle of attracting narcissists may be difficult, the first step is to become aware that you are building relationships with toxic people. You may need to work with a trained narcissistic recovery professional to understand all your whys and learn how and why you are drawn to narcissists and the unhealthy patterns of these relationships. Once you understand why you are attracted to narcissists, you can start to make changes in your own behaviours to break this cycle.
One way to break the cycle is to focus on yourself and your own needs. Look at what you want out of a relationship and what you need to feel fulfilled. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself and your own needs before you enter a relationship.
Another important step is to look for red flags in potential partners. If someone is displaying narcissistic behaviors, it is important to be aware of these signs and to avoid getting involved with them.
It is important to set boundaries and communicate clearly. Make sure to set limits on what you are willing to tolerate and to communicate these boundaries to potential partners. If someone is not respecting your boundaries, it is important to end the relationship.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to take time to heal from the experience. Please understand that the abuse was not your fault and acknowledge the pain and suffering you have experienced. It is also important to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made and to focus on the positive aspects of your life. You can do this by focusing on the things you are grateful for and the things that bring you joy. It is important to seek professional help as needed and when you feel overwhelmed or unable to cope with your feelings.
How to Seek Self-Love and Self-Acceptance
A crucial step in creating healthy relationships is to build self-love and self-acceptance within you. This means learning to accept yourself just as you are and to recognize your own value and worth independent of others. Self-love and self-acceptance can be difficult, but there are several strategies you can use to cultivate these feelings. A few examples include writing positive affirmations, practicing gratitude, and engaging in activities that bring you joy. It can also be helpful to take time to reflect and focus on the things you appreciate about yourself.
Strategies for Creating Healthy Relationships
Once you have healed from narcissistic abuse, it is time to focus on creating healthy relationships. The first step is to create a list of qualities you want in a partner. This list should include qualities like respect, trust, honesty, and kindness. It is also important to set boundaries and communicate clearly. This means being honest about your needs and expectations and not making excuses for someone's bad behavior. It is important to be patient and to trust yourself. It can be difficult to find someone who meets all the criteria on your list, but it is important to trust that you will find someone who is right for you.
The Benefits of Healthy Relationships
Creating healthy relationships has many benefits, they can provide us with a sense of security, of being seen and understood. When we have relationships with people who respect us and value us, we can feel more confident and secure in our lives. Healthy relationships can also provide us with a sense of connection and belonging. Being in a relationship with someone who values your opinion and supports your dreams may enhance your life to feel deeply meaningful and enjoyable. Finally, healthy relationships can help us to grow and evolve. When we are in relationships with people who challenge us and help us to become better versions of ourselves, we can become more fulfilled and content with our lives.
Conclusion
We all want to have meaningful relationships with the people we love, but until we value ourselves and honor ourselves we will not attract healthy people to us. Recognizing our role in our relationships is key to building healthy, safe spaces. It is important to remember that breaking the cycle of attracting narcissists and creating healthy relationships takes time and effort. But with patience and dedication, you can start to create relationships that are fulfilling and meaningful.
Therapists, coaches and mentors trained in the recovery of narcissistic abuse are key to making your recovery process faster with less likelihood of repeating the toxic patterns of allowing abusive people back into your life. Narc & Co professional mentors are highly skilled in the recovery process having recovered themselves from narcissistic abuse.
This article was written by Narc & Co to foster your healthy road to being narcissist free.