Codependency makes it difficult to see your own thoughts, feelings, and actions clearly because your focus is primarily on others. In codependency, value comes from the opinions of others and safety comes from feeling needed. The following list is intended to help you to identify those areas of codependent response that are areas of struggle in your relationships. This exercise is not a way means to a diagnosis but a way of getting to know yourself a bit more and to discuss your results with your mentor if you decide to use the Narc & Co mentoring service.
Count the sentences below that pertain to you.
1. My relationships often involve people who need my help or are somehow dependent on me.
2. When I can’t help someone, I feel guilty and responsible for their upset feelings.
3. In the last year, significant others have resorted to arguing, begging, or raising
their voice to get me to stop trying to help them.
4. I spend a lot of time thinking through or projecting outcomes, trying to figure out what I can do to get the outcome I want.
5. It's difficult for me to receive praise or thanks from others.
6. I do not like to let myself get angry. When I do, I often lose control and feel ashamed.
7. It's difficult for me to say "No" or to ask for things that I need at home, at work, or with friends.
8. I often over-commit my time and measure my self-esteem by how much someone depends on me.
9. It is hard for me have fun or relax; if I'm not productive, I feel worthless.
10. It's difficult to believe that someone could truly love me.
11. I am afraid of being hurt or abandoned if I allow myself to be loved.
12. I find it easy to criticize and blame others, although I don’t like to admit it.
13. I seem to justify or make excuses for others’ actions when they have hurt me.
14. When I know a relationship is about to end, I will stay in it until I can begin another relationship.
15. It is easy to make me feel guilty because I take responsibility for others and blame myself for their upset.
16. I am not sure what normal is.
17. I often take a stand in a relationship and then go back on what I said if it causes tension.
18. I am not aware of what I want. I ask others what they want.
19. I tend to be sick a lot. I can't seem to fight off infection, but it doesn’t stop me.
20. There never seems to be enough time to do things I enjoy doing.
How many sentences did you tick out of twenty? The more you identified with, the more codependency is part of your relationships.