Narcissistic mothers can have a damaging effect on their children's mental health and sense of self-worth. It can be difficult to respond to their hurtful words in a constructive way. In this blog post, we will explore five common things narcissistic mothers say, how to respond to them, and strategies for coping with their behavior.
What is a Narcissistic Mother?
Narcissistic mothers are individuals who have an inflated sense of their own importance and regard themselves as superior to others. They may have difficulty empathizing with their children and be overly critical when their expectations are not met. They can be controlling and manipulative, expecting their children to be extensions of themselves.
Narcissistic mothers tend to have an intense need for admiration and may be competitive with their children. They may be jealous of their children's successes and resentful of their growing independence. The effects of growing up with a narcissistic mother can be long-lasting, causing feelings of shame and guilt, as well as a lack of self-confidence and difficulty forming healthy relationships.
Five Things Narcissistic Mothers Say
Narcissistic mothers are notorious for their hurtful and insensitive words. Here are five common things narcissistic mothers say and their underlying messages.
“You Should Be More Like…”
This statement implies that their child is not good enough as they are and that they should strive to be like someone else. The underlying message is that their child is deficient and should change to fit their mother's expectations.
“This Is All Your Fault”
This statement implies that their child is to blame for their mother's unhappiness. The underlying message is that their mother is incapable of taking responsibility for her own actions and that her child must shoulder the blame.
“You're Too Sensitive”
This statement implies that their child is too emotional and that they should not be so easily offended. The underlying message is that their mother is superior, and her child's feelings are irrelevant.
“I Do Everything for You”
This statement implies that their mother is the only one who cares about their child and that they should be grateful for her efforts. The underlying message is that their child is not capable of taking care of themselves and must rely on their mother.
“I Don't Know What You're Talking About”
This statement implies that their child's feelings and experiences are invalid and that their mother does not understand them. The underlying message is that their mother does not see them as an individual with their own thoughts and feelings. The child’s feelings are therefore invalidated, and the child learns to shut down their feelings and that their feelings are not
important. Unfortunately, this will be taken into adult relationships and increase the chances of that child in adult life attracting and maintaining narcissistic relationships themselves.
Setting Boundaries with Narcissistic Mothers
When dealing with narcissistic mothers, it is important to set boundaries to protect yourself from their hurtful words and limit potential emotional damage. It is important to be assertive and stand up for yourself. When setting boundaries, it is important to remain firm and consistent. This means that you should not allow your mother to push your boundaries and should be prepared to enforce them when necessary. It is also important to be mindful of your feelings and needs and to practice self-care often.
Seeking Professional Help as A Child Of A Narcissistic Mother
As you navigate the path of setting boundaries with your narcissistic mother, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A therapist, mentor or coach can help you to understand how to cope with your mother's behavior and provide strategies for healthily dealing with her words such as
recognizing the words are about your mother’s own lack of self-worth and fears. They can also help you to understand the impact her behavior has had on you and provide support for managing the associated emotions. When seeking support be certain that you work with an individual trained in narcissistic abuse recovery so that you get the help you need as quickly as
possible.
Strategies For Coping with Narcissistic Mothers
When dealing with a narcissistic mother, it is important to practice self-care and maintain a positive self-image and self-accepting attitude. Here are some strategies for coping with narcissistic mothers:
1. Focus on your own feelings and needs: It is important to remember that your mother's behavior is not your fault, and it is important to focus on your own feelings and needs.
2. Take time for yourself: It is important to take time away from your mother to give yourself some space and practice self-care.
3. Practice mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness can help you to be more aware of your own feelings and needs and to be less affected by your mother's behavior.
4. Seek support: It is important to seek support from friends and family who can provide emotional and practical support.
5. Seek professional help: If needed, a therapist can provide support and help you to cope with your mother's behavior.
6. Books, on-line resources and communities and courses for healing the narcissistic mother wound are good options to help you move along the path of healing.
The Impact of Narcissistic Mothers on Children
The effects of growing up with a narcissistic mother can be long-lasting and can include feelings of guilt, shame, and create low self-esteem. Ultimately children of narcissistic mothers often develop personality traits in alignment with either codependency or narcissism.
Children of narcissistic mothers may struggle with forming healthy relationships and may feel that their feelings and needs are not valid. The attachment ability of these children will be greatly hindered and will need help in therapy to understand how to form healthy attachments with others. It is important to recognize the impact of narcissistic mothers on their children and to seek professional help as needed.
Conclusion
Narcissistic mothers can have a damaging effect on their children's mental health and sense of self-worth. It can be difficult to respond to their hurtful words and break free of looking at them as though you were still an obedient child. It is crucial to set boundaries with narcissistic mothers and to practice self-care and to seek professional help to cope with the effects
of growing up with a narcissistic mother. By understanding the impact of narcissistic mothers on their children and taking steps to protect your own mental health, you can begin to heal from the damage caused by their words and break the generational curse of repeating the cycle of
codependent and narcissist relationships.
The mentoring professionals at Narc & Co are highly skilled in overcoming the damaging reach of the narcissistic and codependent dance.
This article was written by the Narc &Co team to aid in your healing journey.